Written during an annual remembrance of my Dad, I THOUGHT addresses a myth regarding the finality of death.  Other’s may relate to the images of distance and closeness. It reminds me that we seldom have ideal relationships with our parents. Often there are leftovers when they die. In some very important ways, our relationship with each parent (or guardian) continues after their death. I have discovered a deeper relationship with my dad in the years and experiences since his death. I now understand him at a depth that I could never have imagined possible.

I THOUGHT

I thought I had felt all I

      Had to feel for you.

I thought our years of struggle

    To be what we were for each other

       Had extracted all the tenderness

           All the grief

           All the sympathy

       I possessed

I thought the grave

    Would be but dim reminder of losses incurred

       Not scream finality

       Not close any remaining door.

I though my hopes for you

    Had long since been exhausted

       That I held no remaining longings

           No graspable ravels to deaths dull shroud

I thought faint tenderness would hide itself

    Moments your touch opened my soul

       The balm of your presence

           Quieting goblins in the night

I thought life had left me

    No remaining vestiges

         Nothing to prick this conscience

           To spin dark dreams

I thought that this would be the end

    That grave’s grim grasp

       Would free me

       Would close the covers of this story

I thought I would no longer need to weep

I was wrong

On the Death of Dad

Allen Simons